


Be Careful Who You Piss Off

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-30
Updated: 2009-09-30
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10813014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: The death of Percy Ignatius Weasley. Part of my "When I Became An Angel" series.





	Be Careful Who You Piss Off

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
> **Author's notes:**
> 
> I would like to thank AccioHBP for her editing work and suggestions. She is so fun to work with and is a dear friend to boot. This is for kareem33 who requested that Percy die next. *snorts* I hope you like it, dear! Arthur Weasley is up next. Bless him!
> 
> XXX,
> 
> missgranger2 
> 
>  

Percy had always considered himself to be a Ministry man through and through.  He had written a report when he was a young man on standardizing cauldron thickness.  That report won him accolades from the Minister of Magic at the time for his diligence and effort.  Now under the present Minister of Magic, Shacklebolt, he was responsible for the regulation of brooms and he took his job very seriously.

Laid out before him on his desk were several drawings of prototypes of brooms waiting for his approval.  He lifted up one of the drawings of a broom deemed “The Whoosh.”  He noted that the length measurements were spot on and that the handle was the right thickness.  However, Percy scoffed when he read what was to be put on the warning label:

“‘The Whoosh’ is capable of speeds nearing a hundred and twenty miles per hour.  It is recommended that riders should have had at least fifty hours of flying experience before riding this broom.  Only qualified riders should attempt extreme maneuvers while riding this broom, as during trials it was noted that several wizards experienced whiplash while trying to do the Wronski Feint.” 

Percy tutted and picked up a rubber stamp and slammed it down on the parchment.  He smiled as he saw the word “rejected” in the middle of the page.  _Only fifty hours of fly time for a broom that fast?  Obviously they don’t read my weekly editorial in The Daily Prophet where I specified that brooms that fly over ninety miles per hour require fifty-five hours of fly time!_ He smiled even wider at the thought of the makers of “The Whoosh” seeing the stamp of rejection on the parchment.  _Teach them not to keep abreast of the latest regulations._   This was the part of the job he savored the most- _the power_. 

Having gone through the rest of the drawings, he shook his head in disgust at seeing that there was only one broom that had made it through the initial selection process.  _These broom makers are becoming more and more irresponsible._ He puffed out his chest.  _They surely know by now that Percy Weasley isn’t about to let them get away with it._ Percy stood up and picked up the rejected drawings and walked to the door of his office.  He opened it and then stuck his head out. “Audrey, could you please send these back to the broom makers for me?” 

Audrey stood up at once, a smile on her face.  “Of course, love.”

Percy cleared his throat and said in a low voice, “Audrey, we’ve discussed this.  Please refrain from calling me ‘love’ while we’re at work, alright?”

“Whatever you say, _sir_.”   She winked at him and took the parchment from his hand and Percy couldn’t help but smile at her affectionately.   “Oh, by the way, a Mr. Ramducker owled and asked if you’d be available for a business luncheon at his office.”

Percy held his chin in his hand for a moment.  “Ramducker?  I don’t recall ever knowing a Mr. Ramducker.”

Audrey took a piece of parchment off her desk and handed it to him.  “He’s a broom maker and said he wanted to discuss your rejection of ‘The Poseidon’.” 

Percy let go of his chin and rolled his eyes.  “I may not recall the bloke’s name but I certainly remember that barmy broom.  It’s the one that wizards can use to dive in and out of the water.  There must have been at least twenty things wrong with the design.  He’s barking if he thinks he can try to persuade me to allow that safety hazard to be on the market!”

“Should I send an owl back telling him that you decline his invitation then?”

“No, actually I think I will go.  I’m curious to see if he tries to bribe me into approving his design.”  Percy smoothed his hair back.  “And if he does, I’ll report him immediately.  After all, Percy Weasley is synonymous with integrity.”

Audrey looked up at him in adoration.  “So very true, dear.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Percy arrived at Mr. Ramducker’s five minutes before noon.  The receptionist showed him into a large office whose walls were oak paneled and on the floor laid a very beautiful Oriental rug.  The office furniture was well made and looked to be expensive, judging by the fine fabric.  Percy raised his eyebrows a moment and then sat down at a round table that was set with fine white china. 

He continued to look around the room, noticing the collection of quills locked inside a glass cabinet and several expensive vases atop pedestals around the room.  _This bloke must be worth a fortune._ A tall man of thin stature came through the door wearing a top hat and golden robes.  He smiled at Percy, who stood up at once.  The man strode over to him and held out his hand.  “Hello!  I’m Vanwinkle Ramducker.”

“Percival Weasley.  It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”  

They both shook each other’s hand and Percy sat back down.  Mr. Ramducker removed his top hat and placed it on a wooden coat rack near the door. He stuck his head out and told the receptionist to kindly bring in the food.  He sat down across from Percy at the table.  “I hope you like Filet Mignon.”  

“Filet Mignon?”  He nodded his head.  _I knew he’d try to butter me up.  Well, I’ll play along… for now._ “That sounds delicious, thank you.” 

Vanwinkle picked up the bottle of wine that was resting in ice.  “Care for a glass of Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion circa 1996?”

“I’m afraid not, as I do not drink while on duty, sir.” 

“Very well.   Of course, I simply can’t pass it up myself.  There is a pitcher of mineral water on the table if you prefer.”   The receptionist came through the door rolling a banquet cart with two silver cisterns on top.  She stopped right next to the table and opened the lids.  “Ah, that looks and smells delicious, does it not, Mr. Weasley?”

The receptionist took Percy’s plate and placed the meat along with a vegetable medley upon it.  She set the plate down in front of Percy and then did the same for Mr. Ramducker.  “Will there be anything else, sir?” 

“No thank you, Edith.”  She nodded and headed toward the door.  “Oh and Edith, please make sure that we are not disturbed.”  They began to eat in silence.  Mr. Ramducker would smile at him from time to time, seeming to be savoring his food as he ate.  “Do you like Quidditch, Mr. Weasley?”

“Yes, sir.  I’m a major Chudley Canon’s fan thanks to my younger brother.”  

“Ever have box seats at a match?”  Percy shook his head.  “I could arrange it for you if you’d like.”

Percy dropped his fork with a resounding clang upon his plate.  “What exactly are you playing at, sir?”

He took a sip of his wine.  “Whatever do you mean?”

He gestured with his hand at the table.  “The fancy food, the expensive wine and now Chudley Canon box seats?  If you are trying to bribe me into allowing your broom design to move forward, I must inform you that it isn’t going to work.  I am a man of integrity, sir, and cannot be bought.”

“I apologize if it looks like I’m trying to bribe you, Mr. Weasley, as I assure you that that wasn’t my intention at all.  I know you’re a man of integrity.”

Percy puffed his chest out proudly.  “That I am, sir.”

“I would, however, like for you to try out the Poseidon for yourself.”

“Excuse me, sir?”

“That is why I asked you here today, Mr. Weasley.  I have been making brooms for almost thirty years now and I tell you there is nothing on the market like it.  I thought that perhaps if you tried it for yourself, you might see that there is absolutely no danger at all.  What do you say?” 

“This is highly irregular.”  Ramducker nodded.  “And of course if I do ride it and find that it is indeed a safe broom, it still doesn’t mean that I won’t require you to make some modifications per Ministry regulations.”

“Of course.”  Ramducker wiped his chin with his napkin.  “Shall we give it a go, then?”

Percy eyed him suspiciously for a moment.  “Alright, I’ll take a ride on your broom.  Just remember that this in no way guarantees I’ll allow you to manufacture it. ”

Ramducker clapped his hands in delight.  “Brilliant!”  He stood up and went and grabbed his top hat.  He placed it on his head and turned around.  “You don’t mind if I ask that you do a Side-Along Apparition with me?” 

Percy got up and walked over to stand beside him.  “That would be fine, sir.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They appeared at a wooded area with a large lake nearby.   Two other wizards with there, each holding a Poseidon in their hand.  Percy frowned for a moment as he looked the other two wizards over.  “What is it that they’re wearing on their heads?” 

Mr. Ramducker chuckled slightly.  “That my boy is a model of the helmet we’re developing.”  He held out his hand to one of the wizards.  “Richard, hand me your helmet so that I may show Mr. Weasley.”  Richard pulled the apparatus from his head and handed it to him.  He handed it to Percy.   “This helmet has been especially charmed to help a wizard breathe under water.”

“That’s genius.  It’s sort of like the Bubblehead charm then?”

“Yes, that’s where we got the idea.”  He cleared his throat.  “But unfortunately it is still only a work in progress as depending on the temperature of the water, the charm doesn’t last.  See, the colder the water, the more unlikely it is to work.”

Percy raised his eyebrows.  “Well, I will tell you that I would be far more inclined to allow the manufacturing of this broom if the helmet was in good working order.  Actually, I may even consider a law where all wizards have to wear them when flying.” 

“Indeed.”  He walked over and took the broom from Richard and held it out so that Percy could see it.  “And you will also notice that we have put a safety belt on the broom as well.”

Percy handed the helmet back to Richard and narrowed his eyes as he looked at the broom.  “Safety belt?  You mean like a Muggle seat belt found in an automobile?”

“That’s where we got the idea, yes.  I know you are extremely worried about the speed of the broom.  So we thought that perhaps if the wizard were wearing a seat belt to hold him or her on, then it might make it safer to fly.”

“Hmm.  I must say I like the idea of wearing a seatbelt on a broom.”  He smiled at Mr. Ramducker.  “I am very glad to see that someone else is taking broom safety seriously, sir.”

Mr. Ramducker nodded.  “Well, do you want to give it a go, then?” 

“Yes, I think I would like to try out the broom while wearing the safety equipment as well.”

“Of course.  Richard will help get you set up.”  

The other wizard stepped forward and took the broom from Mr. Ramducker.  “You’ll need to remove your robes.”

Percy looked at Ramducker for an apparent explanation.  “The robes can be a hindrance the speed and agility of the broom, not to mention it tends to weight you down when they’re wet.  Of course, I have put this information not only in the instructions but also on the warning label.”  

“Very well, then.”  Percy removed his robes and handed them to Mr. Ramducker.  “If you could please hold my robes, sir, I’d be most appreciative as I pride myself on dressing impeccably while on the job.”  

“I will guard them with my life.”  

Richard handed the broom to Percy.  “Straddle the broom and I’ll get you strapped in.”  Percy did as he directed and Richard placed the two ends of the seatbelt around his waist.  He took in some of the slack and then snapped them together in front.  “How’s that feel?  Not too tight is it?”  

Percy shook his head.  “Feels fine, thank you.”  

Richard next placed the helmet on his head.  “Comfortable?”

“Very.”  Percy smiled. 

“Alright, then.” He pointed to the other wizard who stood waiting on his broom.  “Just follow Chester there and he’ll lead you through some maneuvers.”   Percy nodded.  “Alright, Chester, he’s all set to go!”

Chester raised his thumb up and kicked off from the ground.  Percy did the same, following Chester around the lake twice.  Chester suddenly slowed down and motioned for Percy to come up beside him where they both hovered.  “Now it’s time to show you how fast this baby can move.  In order for you to achieve the greatest speed possible, you have to bend your body forward as far as it can go.  Also, when taking a turn, you will need to lean your body as far as it can go.”  He pointed over to the far side of the lake.  “I’m going to go first.  Just stay here and watch, alright?”  Percy nodded.

Chester propelled the broom forward and Percy looked on as he leaned forward.  The broom took off like the speed of light and Percy could barely keep up with it.  Chester made a sharp turn on the other side of the lake and was back in a flash by his side.  He was laughing heartedly when he slowed the broom and hovered by Percy.  “I tell ya’ there’s nothin’ like it!  Damn but that was brilliant!  You ready for your turn, now?”

“All set.”  Percy started forward and leaned in as Chester instructed.  It moved so fast and Percy couldn’t help but feel exhilarated by the speed.  Coming to the other side of the lake within seconds, he leaned to the right and yelled merrily as the broom did a sharp turn that sent his stomach plummeting.  He arrived back by Chester a few seconds later, feeling giddier then he had in years.  “That was brilliant!”

“Told ya’ so!  And now I’m going to show you how it dives in the water. First you have to climb high in the sky in order to get the momentum just right.  You need to be going wicked fast in order for it to dive in and out properly.  Coming from the sky, you’ll angle your broom downward and lean your body in as you head toward the water.  Once you plow into the water, you’ll need to pull hard up in order to propel yourself up and out.  Any questions?”

“No, I think I got it.”

“Let me demonstrate first and then it’ll be your turn.”   Chester began to ascend on his broom upwards.  Percy looked up, shielding his eyes with his hand from the bright sunlight.  He looked like a small black dot up in the sky and Percy knew he was very high up.  All of a sudden the black dot began to descend rapidly from the sky and fell quickly down from the sky and into the water.  Seconds later, the broom came out from the water and Percy could hear Chester’s woops of excitement.  Chester then repeated the maneuver again two more times before finally coming back over to where Percy was hovering.  “That was fan-bloody-tastic!  Woooooooo!”  He was breathing hard and sopping wet with a large grin on his face.  “Alright!  Your turn now!”  

Percy smiled back at him, the excitement cursing through his veins at once.  He coaxed his broom upward and began to climb higher and higher, coming to a stop when he felt he was as high as Chester had been.  Percy turned his broom around and angled it downward.  He leaned his body forward and the broom took off like a bullet being fired from a gun.  Before he knew it, he was in the water and began to pull hard up as Chester had instructed.  

Something was wrong.

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t get the nose of the broom to go up and instead it was taking him further and further down into the water.  He tried to pull his body up to slow the broom down but the weight of the water wouldn’t let him.  Panicking, Percy reached down one hand down and fumbled with his seatbelt but couldn’t get it unbuckled.  

That’s when he began to notice he was having trouble breathing.  The pressure was building in his brain the deeper he went, until he summarily passed out.  The broom took his lifeless body all the way down to the bottom of the lake that was nearly 800 feet deep.  His broom hit the bottom hard and continued to try and grind its way into the soft ground with Percy’s now dead body still attached by the seatbelt he thought was so ingenious.

Mr. Ramducker stood stalk still as he watched Chester circle round and round the spot where Percy had went into the water.  After twenty minutes, he turned to Richard, his eyes wide.  “Dear sweet Merlin, I think Percy Weasley is dead.”  He patted Richard on the shoulder.  “Well done, my boy.”

Richard shrugged and smiled sheepishly.  “Simple charm, really.   Poor bloke never had a chance once his broom hit the water at that speed.”

Mr. Ramducker threw Percy’s robes on the ground and took his wand out.  He aimed it at his robes and they disintegrated at once.  “Well, I suppose I’ll head back and modify my receptionist’s memory.  I’ll have Chester stop in to Percy’s office and modify his wife’s memory as well.  And then I’ll casually pass your name along to a few friends I have in high places.”  He chuckled.  “By this time next week, you’ll be in charge of the regulations of brooms.  And I dare say you can expect a few kickbacks from not only me, but the other manufacturers as well.”  He winked at him and grinned before turning back to the lake.  “It’s the most wonderful feeling to be rid of the most pompous and arrogant wizard I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”  

Richard came and stood by him.  “Something tells me that when he is confirmed missing in a few days, you won’t be the only one feeling this way.”   

“I’ll most certainly be throwing a party, that’s for sure.”  He looked at Richard, a wide grin on his face.  “It’ll be standing room only as I know for a fact that nobody I ever met could stand Percy Weasley.”            

 


End file.
